9/11 Memorial

I just stumbled upon this in Yahoo News. A national Memorial has been created to honor the lives lost in 9/11. Also there is an entire website dedicated to their memory. Not that a website & memorial makes up for the souls lost to this terrible tragedy, but it is a nice way to honor the near 3,000 people who’s lives were lost that day. We will remember you always…

http://www.911memorial.org/

THE MEMORIAL is a national tribute of remembrance and honor to the nearly 3,000 people killed in the terror attacks of February 26, 1993 and September 11, 2001 at the World Trade Center site, near Shanksville, Pa., and at the Pentagon.

The Memorial design is defined by two reflecting pools, a grove of trees and the names of the victims inscribed in bronze.

The reflecting pools are nearly an acre in size and feature the largest manmade waterfalls in the North America. The pools sit within the footprints where the Twin Towers once stood.

The names of every person who died in 1993 and 2001 attacks are inscribed in bronze panels edging the Memorial pools, a powerful reminder of the unprecedented loss of life in an attack on U.S. soil and of the iconic Twin Towers. Architect Michael Arad and landscape architect Peter Walker created the Memorial design selected from a global design competition that included more than 5,200 entries from 63 nations.

“let yourself feel the sadness”

Dear Louise,

Ever since my wife passed away about nine months ago, I’ve been continually losing things—yesterday one of my indoor cats even got lost. What is the metaphysical reason this keeps happening, and what can I do to stop it?

S.B., Dallas

I feel that you’re still mourning the loss of your wife—that’s why things are happening as they are for you right now. A lot of sadness comes to the surface upon the death of a loved one. It’s important you let yourself feel the sadness. Nature has given you feelings to get you through certain experiences and to deny them causes more pain.

We all cope with grief in different ways. There are no rules! Call the Grief Recovery Hotline for the location of a group near you at 18004454808. Affirm: I am at peace with my loved one’s passing   – Louise Hays

No Storm Lasts Forever

Wayne Dyer is one of my favorite authors.  I recently found a small interview he did with another wonderful author, Louise Hays regarding his book “Change your thoughts, change your life”.  It’s a good one, if you haven’t read it I highly recommend it.  I thought this little bit from their interview  was really inspiring, bringing hope in  the midst of whatever troubles one might be facing.  Just a little happy thought to start off the week…

 

>>>>>>>

Hays: Seeing you as someone who walks their talk, I found it interesting in the preface ofChange Your Thoughts – Change Your Life where you stated that you find yourself still needing to change your own thoughts to transform your life? How is this? Will this always be true for you?

Dyer: Absolutely! You can’t get away from the cyclical universe. What the Tao has taught me is that no storm lasts forever no matter what it is. Nature builds calmness within its storms. That’s true in our own lives as well. When you reach the zenith of where you are going in your life, or in a relationship; the only place you can go is down or up. That’s the nature of this universe; a cyclical thing. The seasons, the moon; everything has a cycle to it.

Hays: So you think that even when you’ve come to a place of peace in your life you still have to go up or down?

Dyer: Yes! Hidden in all good fortune is misfortune. And in all misfortune is good fortune. It’s never going to stay the same as long you are in the world or unless you die while you are alive and become an enlightened Zen Master. But those people don’t exist. When you study their lives, you find that they had the same struggles as the rest of us. It’s not so much about being able to always have calm. Calmness isn’t just the absence of noise or troubles. It’s being able to find calm within yourself when other stuff is going on.

>>>>>>>>>> http://www.drwaynedyer.com/articles/a-conversation-with-dr-wayne-dyer

“There’s no reason to be upset about anything. It will pass. If it’s really going to pass, why stay confused by it and depressed by it. Just watch it go. It’s on its way out. ”  Dr. Wayne Dyer

Farewell Sunny

Lewis “Sunny” Bumbrey
Sunrise march 13, 1938 • Sunset may 12, 2011

“Now that you have gone to rest, we loved you, but God loved you best”

 

Got the chance to work on a program for Sunny in Georgia. We incorporated deep blues with flocks of doves for his program. I think it turned out beautifully. We wish Sunny & his family the best.

Sunny's Funeral Program

A Fond Farewell

When first approached by Malia & Phoebe, I wasn’t sure what to expect.. and neither were they.   Malia had just lost her father & Phoebe her brother.  It was a difficult time for them emotionally & on top of that, they were in the middle of trying to pull together a ceremony on the beach on Sunday (4 days from today) & were running out of time.  They needed help creating a program and didn’t know where to start, so they searched the internet & found me!  We met for about 30 minutes & got everything put in place.  We talked about Anderson & went through old photo albums, deciding which photos would best represent his life & what information to include in his program.  The next day I presented them with a proof & Phoebe approved it. . and the next day the programs were delivered. Simple, fast, efficient, beautiful, they were quite pleased and even said “I wish we had ordered more!”. We hope the ceremony went seamlessly & that our programs helped the family give the most memorable last goodbye to “Butch”.

Last Impression Memorial Designs wishes a fond farewell to Anderson Fields (December 1949 – April 2011).

Anderson's Memorial Program

$20,000 for a Funeral?

Yes, Seriously, it is not uncommon for a funeral to cost $20,000.  I recently came across an article in the Honolulu Advertiser that goes into detail of just how much a funeral could cost you (or your family) and why its best to start planning now.

Eric S.S. Wong didn’t expect his 87-year-old father to die so soon.

And he didn’t expect the funeral to cost nearly $20,000.

Five years ago his parents bought a burial plot. And that’s it. What they didn’t consider was all the additional costs — caskets, vases, flowers, services, facility rental, even transportation — required for a complete funeral. Wong and his sister had to put all those expenses on their credit cards.

“They say they’re ‘taking care of the customer,’ ” said Wong, 40. “But the bottom line is they’re running a business.”

And funerals are big business in Hawai’i, where costs — including the funeral service and cemetery fees for a burial — average between $10,000 and $15,000, according to funeral directors.

But early planning, financial experts say, is the key to reducing stress — and overall cost — in dealing with death.

“You don’t have to pay for what you don’t need,” said Karen Ho, financial educator at the Hawai’i State Federal Credit Union, who gives presentations on funeral planning. “You can save money when you understand what’s required and what’s not.” She recommends researching your options early, the way you would research buying a car.

“Ask for a price list, take a friend to the mortuary, talk about it when you’re not upset,” Ho said. “Then you can make a good financial decision. That can save you hundreds or thousands of dollars.”

The problem is many families aren’t comfortable discussing death. And that, experts say, is something they need to get over.

“I know death isn’t something pleasant, it’s not something we all want to talk about,” said Mitchell Dodo, vice president of Dodo Mortuary in Hilo and president of the Hawai’i Allied Memorial Council. “But you have to come to terms with what’s going to happen.”

If you’d like to know about Funeral Costs in Hawaii, read the rest of this article, “It’s your funeral, so plan the details yourself” posted on theHonoluluAdvertiser.com, written by Catherine E. Toth (Advertiser staff writer)

Eulogy for Sale?

I stumbled upon this craigslist ad that advertised “Funeral Program Writing  – It’s difficult to express your emotions in a time a grief, let us help you write a special rendition of your loved one.”  Funeral program writers? Eulogy writers? These people really exist? Curious, I checked out the guys site and stumbled upon this little piece of art.

A sample Funeral Program Rendition by Ryan of http://ryansrendition.com/

ps. Ryan also does some pretty good Wedding & Graduation Renditions too.

“On Souls Old and Reunited (For John)”

Let it be said
that he drank his life stout and thick,
sipped to the foam until empty glasses and memories were everywhere
Let it be said
that his smile raced the sunrise
to see which would brighten the day first.
Let it be said
that his mouth was a movie theater,
his tongue constantly rewinding and replaying
quotation and impression,
with laughter the only price of admission.

Let these things be said and more.

An old soul gone too young,
he hummed with the music of his father,
whispered the compassion of his mother,
grew beneath the shade of his brother,
and confused friends for family every chance he got.
He took aim at life with his childhood cap gun pistol
and never took his sights off of what mattered most to him:
Us.

Call him constantly compassionate.
Call him devotedly delicate.
Call him heartfelt and humor-heavy.
Call him son.
Call him friend.
Call him brother.

It is always the brightest leafs that fall too soon from the tree.

Let your comfort be this:
Although once forced to speak across a great distance,
two brothers are no longer talking through dreams and memories stretched like string
between the tin cans of earth and sky.
Their words are now shared loud and clear,
are now shared with embraces absent of sorrow.
Know that he was greeted by big brother
with tight hug and these words:
“Welcome home. Too soon, but welcome home.
Now let’s go turn that smile into a star.”

Another Great Eulogy Sample

In additon to the funeral program, the poster, and prayer cards, the Eulogy is also a very important, moving and  intimate part of the memorial service. However, writing & delivering one is nothing short of a difficult task. It is also a privlege, one you surely will not regret & one that will stay in the hearts of love ones forever. But, just incase you’re having a difficult time putting one together, here’s another good Eulogy Sample (found on the http://www.eulogybook.net/eulogy_jackie_o.html).

EULOGY FOR JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS
by Senator Edward M. Kennedy
May 23, 1994

Last summer, when we were on the upper deck on the boat at the Vineyard, waiting for President and Mrs. Clinton to arrive, Jackie turned to me and said: “Teddy, you go down and greet the President.”
“But,” I said, “Maurice is already there.”
And Jackie answered: “Teddy, you do it. Maurice isn’t running for re-election.”
She was always there–for all our family–in her special way.
She was a blessing to us and to the nation-and a lesson to the world on how to do things right, how to be a mother, how to appreciate history, how to be courageous.
No one else looked like her, spoke like her, wrote like her, or was so original in the way she did things. No one we knew ever had a better sense of self.
Eight months before she married Jack, they went together to President Eisenhower’s Inaugural Ball. Jackie said later that that’s where they decided they liked Inaugurations.
No one ever gave more meaning to the title of First Lady. The nation’s capital city looks as it does because of her. She saved Lafayette Square and Pennsylvania Avenue.
Jackie brought the greatest artists to the white House, and brought the Arts to the center of national attention. Today, in large part because of her inspiration and vision, the arts are an abiding part of national policy.
President Kennedy took such delight in her brilliance and her spirit. At a white House dinner, he once leaned over and told the wife of the French Ambassador, “Jackie speaks fluent French. But I only understand one out of every five words she says–and that word is DeGaulle.”
And then, during those four endless days in 1963, she held us together as a family and a country. In large part because of her, we could grieve and then go on, She lifted us up, and in the doubt and darkness, she gave her fellow citizens back their pride as Americans. She was then 34 years old.
Afterward, as the eternal fame she lit flickered in the autumn of Arlington Cemetery, Jackie went on to do what she most wanted–to raise Caroline and John, and warm her family’s life and that of all the Kennedys.
Robert Kennedy sustained her, and she helped make it possible for Bobby to continue. She kept Jack’s memory alive, as he carried Jack’s mission on. Her two children turned out to be extraordinary, honest, unspoiled, and with a character equal to hers. And she did it in the most trying of circumstances. They are her two miracles.
Her love for Caroline and John was deep and unqualified. She reveled in their accomplishments, she hurt with their sorrows, and she felt sheer joy and delight in spending time with them. At the mere mention of one of their names, Jackie’s eyes would shine brighter and her smile would grow bigger.
She once said that if you “bungle raising your children nothing else much matters in life.” She didn’t bungle. Once again, she showed how to do the most important thing of all, and do it right.
When she went to work, Jackie became a respected professional in the world of publishing. And because of her, remarkable books came to life. She searched out new authors and ideas. She was interested in everything.
Her love of history became a devotion to historic preservation. You knew, when Jackie joined the cause to save a building in Manhattan, the bulldozers might as well turn around and go home.
She had a wonderful sense of humor–a way of focusing on someone with total attention–and a little girl delight in who they were and what they were saying. It was a gift of herself that she gave to others. And in spite of all her heartache and loss, she never faltered.
I often think of what she said about Jack in December after he died: “They made him a legend, when he would have preferred to be a man.’ Jackie would have preferred to be just herself, but the world insisted that she be a legend, too.
She never wanted public notice, in part I think, because it brought back painful memories of an unbearable sorrow, endured in the glare of a million lights.
In all the years since then, her genuineness and depth of character continued to shine through the privacy to reach people everywhere. Jackie was too young to be a widow in 1963, and too young to die now.
Her grandchildren were bringing new joy to her life, a joy that illuminated her face whenever you saw them together. Whether it was taking Rose and Tatiana for an ice cream cone, or taking a walk in Central Park with little Jack as she did last Sunday, she relished being Grand Jackie and showering her grandchildren with love.
At the end, she worried more about us tan herself. She let her family and friends know she was thinking of them. How cherished were those wonderful notes in her distinctive hand on her powder blue stationery!
In truth, she did everything she could–and more–for each of us.
She made a rare and noble contribution to the American spirit. But for us, most of all she was a magnificent wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and friend.
She graced our history. And for those of us who knew and loved her–she graced our lives.

Pretty Good Sample Eulogy

A few months back when I was attempting to write the perfect eulogy I spent hours searching the internet for really amazing eulogy samples. I was looking for any written samples that I could maybe pick apart and add or subtract to my own eulogy. I thought I could possibly even use key verses in my funeral program, thank-you cards, and funeral poster.  At this point, with 2 day left until showdown, any basic helpful samples or ideas would do, but as always, you never really find what you are looking for when you are looking for it. Now, months later, I stumble upon them all the time. Here’s one eulogy I found surprisingly uplifting, light-hearted and well written. Maybe it will help you write yours.

Recollections on a Real Corker

My first introduction to Norman Appleyard’s larger than life persona occurred back in 1986. I was visiting my dear friend Jef Cole at his parent’s house on Cape Cod. Many of you may remember Larry and Barbara Cole from this church, and the Weston Golf Club.

During the visit, I casually mentioned that I had just met a girl – and I had an odd sense that maybe…just maybe… this was THE girl. Since she was from Weston – like the Coles – I asked if they happened to know her.

“Pam Rice…Pam Rice…” Larry said…Hey, Babb’s isn’t that Norman and Lillian Appleyard’s granddaughter?

“That must be Linda’s daughter! What a small world. Linda used to babysit for Jef when he was a baby. We’ve known them forever!”

Small world, indeed.

The conversation went on for an hour – with stories of weddings, funerals, golf and card games, and various happy and scurrilous activities going back 40 years. I began to get the sense this Appleyard clan was a pretty amazing family, led by a pretty amazing man.

I asked the Coles to put in a good word for me. Which they must have done, because I was soon invited to meet the Appleyards face to face. To the best of my recollection that first live meeting happened in their kitchen down at Quail Ridge.

I was terrified.

I felt like I was going on the most important job interview of my life.

And, looking back now, I guess I was…

So there I was all spruced up in my best Sunday-go-to-meetin’ blue polyester suit, my hair cut short, shoe’s shined, white shirt, red tie, sitting up strait in one of those little yellow bamboo chairs…

Shaking like a leaf, and sweating like a cold coke bottle on a Boynton Beach summer day.

And let me tell you, Normie was a tough interview.

He wanted to know about my family (who in reality were dirt-poor Maine dairy farmers)…

My education (incomplete and embarrassingly weak at the time)…

My athletic ability (simply pitiful)…

My aspirations in business (to pay my bills at the end of the month)…

My intentions with his granddaughter (well heck, I was 29 years old, she was (and still is) SMOKIN’ hot – so I think we all know what my intentions for his granddaughter were…

Anyway – at the end of an excruciating hour of my fidgeting in the chair – and fibbing most of my answers

Norman announced, “Well Pammy, it looks like you’ve got yourself a real corker here!”

I was not quite sure what a ‘real corker’ was, but from the way he said it, I surmised I had somehow passed the test.

I never dared to ask him, but I would like to believe that twenty odd years later he was still happy with his initial assessment of me – however misguided it might have seemed at the time

Looking back, he must have seen something in me; I did not even see myself. He was like that…

Over the years, I came to know Norman on many more levels – as an astute businessman, occasionally as a grumpy old sod, sometimes, surprisingly, as a sensitive new age guy…as a community leader, and, of course, as a family patriarch.

In distilling all my experiences with him, I see a few defining traits that, to me, made Norman Appleyard who he was:

The first is Intelligence – Norman was gifted with an utterly amazing brain. He had a near photographic memory – for names, for jokes, and for cards – as anyone who has played bridge against him knows only too well.

He loved to tell stories of playing high stakes poker with some of Boston’s shadiest characters all-night down at the meat market…

And – the way he told the story anyway – always coming home with tens of thousands of dollars in winnings.

Which brings me to Competitiveness – boy, oh boy, Norman loved to win – from Tuesday morning golf, to the daily word jumble, to the season ending championship hockey game, he was driven to win. Norman had the unique qualities of a winner – focus, passion, knowledge, commitment – and he did win, often.

He was Athletic – Norman had the right stuff – Fast twitch muscle fiber, amazing hand/eye coordination, body awareness, strong heart/lung mechanics, a natural golf swing – whatever that certain DNA magic is that makes an athlete, he had it in spades.

I was once in Hawaii on a business trip and got roped into playing golf with a group of Japanese executives.

I called Norman in a panic – as you know, I do not play golf –

“What should I do so I don’t embarrass myself?” I asked.

He laughed, “Well there, I’d say you’ve got yourself in quite a pickle, kid. About the only thing I can tell you is, keep your head down when you swing – and try not to hurt anyone…”

There was that famous Bobo sense of Humor.

To be honest, my first dinner with the Appleyards, that night, sitting in those little yellow bamboo chairs in the kitchen at Royal Tern Lane, was a bit of a shocker…

I simply did not know how to react when Norman started telling his unbelievably baaad jokes….

You know what I am talking about; I mean his jokes were baaaaad.

You could not help but laugh – boy, he knew how to tell a joke, clean or not – but phew, I must have turned ten shades of red that night.

And, of course, imagine my surprise when little miss Lillian over here starts matching him with her own, even worse, little ditties…

I mean…hello

I must have turned purple.

Well, I know this is supposed to be a somber occasion – but I hope you, and Norman, will forgive me for having a little fun at his expense – in fact, knowing how large a part humor played in his life, I am sure he already has…because he knew how to take a joke as well as how to tell one.

More seriously, when I think of Norman, the word Compassion comes to mind – Norman knew instinctively how to make people feel at ease, he drew you to him, he almost forced you to like him – just would not let go until he turned you into a friend.

Call it charisma, call it “just being a great guy,” call it whatever you want…he had it.

Norman loved people and knew how to make people love him.

Because first and foremost, Norman was a Leader. He understood he had been blessed with intelligence, talent, the willingness to work hard, and incredible good fortune.

He believed in giving back.

He was a leader in the community – as a founding member of this beautiful church, and even our own Broomstones curling club.

He was the leader of his family. To each one of us he gave his knowledge and guidance

(Ok, a LOT of guidance – especially when it came to running the water pump in Maine…)

And most importantly, he gave his love…

He taught each of us to lead, and he will expect no less of us now that his physical presence is gone.

Because in a very real sense, he really is still right here, right now.

Look around.

I certainly see him in each of you – in your undeniable faces, your voices, your values, and your love for each other.

He is living and breathing right here and now in his children, your children, and mine.

I see his amazing brain in my honor roll college student.

I see his talent and competitiveness in my multi-sport varsity athlete.

I see his irascible sense of humor (and so I hear, his natural golf swing) in my budding young Arnold Palmer with the long hair over there.

I see his compassion, love of others, and ability to instantly make friends in my beautiful and amazing daughter.

Yes, He is here. He will always be here. In us.

And I am sure you all agree, he still is and always will be a real corker.

http://acesager.sys-con.com/node/942193

Pros & Cons of a Professionally Designed Funeral Program

Pro’s and Con’s of getting a professionally designed Funeral Program

Most people aren’t too concerned with the funeral program, especially when dealing with the oh-so-recent death of a loved one. Its a last minute detail that we’d rather not have to deal with. One that someone ends up doing, usually just because they were the ones that couldn’t say “No”, and got stuck with it.  No big deal they think at first – it’s just a piece of paper with the order of service and a picture on it, I can handle this. But is that all it really is?

Truth is putting a funeral program together is a huge job! Ask anyone who’s had to do it and they will tell you, it takes a lot of dedication & hard work. Basically expect to be completely stressed out and emotionally exhausted for the next week.. Or as long as it takes you to get it done.

The real question is, if you had the choice to outsource it to a professional designer, would you? Would it be worth it to spend the money?

Here are a few Pro’s and Con’s to consider:

PRO’s

– A professionally designed program is a beautiful piece of art, a touching expression of the life and love that was & is your mother, grandmother, brother, aunt or uncle.

– A professionally designed program will make an immediate impression on your guests. They will leaf through it and feel immediately connected to the deceased… You will get compliments & know that you made that connection possible.

– A professionally designed program means that YOU don’t have to do any of the work. No typesetting, no scanning, no midnight trips to Kinko’s spending hours trying to figure out how to get the machine working, No stapling, No worries.

– A professionally designed program means, one less thing to think about.

– A professionally designed program will fuse family & friends to your loved one lost through pictures & stories.  It will allow for topics of conversation to get started & create a feeling of ease & comfort among family & guests at the service.

– A professionally designed program means giving your loved one the last goodbye  in the most memorable & honorable way possible.

CON’s

– Doing it yourself means you can save a little bit of cash. Not much, but it is a savings.

– Doing it yourself means you get to figure out exactly what you want it to look like yourself. Perhaps you are a creative person who can make a design of your own?

– Designing a funeral program for your loved one may give you a personal feeling of accomplishment. So what if it is super-professional looking, I did it myself & that’s what’s important.

– or Designing a funeral program yourself might be something you always wanted to do & feel you might actually be good at.

Perhaps one of these reasons resonates true with you and you do feel that creating the program yourself is the right choice for you. If this is true, by all means go for it! A funeral program is a treasurable keepsake, and the truth is, only you know if it is the right decision to get one done professionally or if you should do it yourself.

If however, you decide you are not the most creative person or perhaps you just don’t want to think about putting together a program, at least not right now. Plus, it’s not worth the emotional stress & headache or the few extra bucks in your pocket. And really, whats a few extra bucks for the one person who meant the absolute world to you anyway? Well – by all means, invest in a professionally designed program. It will be such a relief to know this is not your job anymore and to be re-assured that your loved one will make the most memorable last impression. I can assure you that once you see your family & friends faces when they pick it up look through it, you will know you made the right choice.

Click here for more info on where to get a professionally designed funeral program.