25 Documents you need before you die

It isn’t enough simply to sign a bunch of papers establishing an estate plan and other end-of-life instructions. You also have to make your heirs aware of them and leave the documents where they can find them.

Consider: At least 10 states have been investigating whether some of the country’s largest insurers are failing to pay out unclaimed life policies to beneficiaries. California and Florida have held public hearings on the issue in recent weeks.

Insurers say they are behaving lawfully. Under policy contracts, they aren’t required to take steps to determine if a policyholder is still alive, but instead pay a claim when beneficiaries come forward.

You can avoid such problems by securing important documents and telling your family where they are stored.

Jean Parr is grateful that her mother obsessed about the subject. “I really didn’t want to think about it,” says Ms. Parr, 54 years old, a manager at the American Chemical Society in Washington. But when her mom died in 2005, she knew exactly where to look for the will, the key to a safe-deposit box and documents indicating her mother had paid and arranged for her own funeral.

The financial consequences of failing to keep your documents in order can be significant. According to the National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators, state treasurers currently hold $32.9 billion in unclaimed bank accounts and other assets. (You can search for unclaimed assets at MissingMoney.com .)

Most experts recommend creating a comprehensive folder of documents that family members can access in case of an emergency, so they aren’t left scrambling to find and organize a hodgepodge of disparate bank accounts, insurance policies and brokerage accounts.

You can store the documents with your attorney, lock them away in a safe-deposit box or keep them at home in a fireproof safe that someone else knows the combination to.

That isn’t to say you should keep everything. Sometimes people hold onto so many papers that loved ones can’t find the important ones easily.

In 2008, Jane Bissler, a counselor in Kent, Ohio, approached her then-87-year-old mother about organizing her documents. Because her mom was a widow with relatively simple finances and two homes, Ms. Bissler, 57, says she figured it would be a relatively simple task.

Instead, it took an entire year for Ms. Bissler and her mother to go through all of her papers, which included documents from eight bank accounts, utility bills from the 1950s and reams of canceled checks.

The two of them pared down the stash from four four-drawer filing cabinets to one two-drawer cabinet, shredding anything extraneous. Ms. Bissler and her mother visited banks and brokerages to ensure she was listed on all of her mother’s accounts. Her mother died in May 2009.

“It would have been a total nightmare if we hadn’t gone through it all with her,” Ms. Bissler says. “It was that Depression-era stuff where you keep everything and hide other things.” Ms. Bissler estimates that having the documents organized ahead of time spared them from ordering an additional 15 copies of the death certificate and “years” of time.

Here is a rundown of the most important documents you’ll need to have signed, sealed and delivered. You should start collecting these as soon as possible and update them every few years to reflect changes in assets and preferences. Some—such as copies of tax returns or recent child-support payments—need to be updated more often than others.

The Essentials

An original will is the most important document to keep on file.

A will allows you to dictate who inherits your assets and, if your children are underage, their guardians. Dying without a will means losing control of how your assets are distributed. Instead, state law will determine what happens.

Wills are subject to probate—legal proceedings that take inventory, make appraisals of property, settle outstanding debt and distribute remaining assets. Not having an original document means this already-onerous process could be much more of an ordeal, since family members can challenge a copy of a will in court.

Rick Law, founder of estate-planning firm Law ElderLaw LLP in Aurora, Ill., says estate planners increasingly recommend revocable trusts in addition to wills, since they are more private and harder to dispute. “Every will is like a compass that points toward the closest courthouse,” he says.

A revocable living trust can be changed anytime during your lifetime. After you transfer ownership of various assets to the trust, you can serve as the trustee on behalf of beneficiaries you designate. Provided you do so, there aren’t any ongoing fees.

If your family can’t find the original trust documents, you are “basically setting your estate up for litigation,” says Duncan Moseley, vice president of Sanders Financial Management in Atlanta.

A “letter of instruction” can be a useful supplement to a will, though it doesn’t hold legal weight. It is a good way to make sure your executor has the names and contact information of your attorneys, accountants and financial advisers. While the will should be stored with your attorney or in a courthouse, the letter of instruction should be more readily accessible, particularly if it contains instructions on funeral arrangements.

Also, make sure your heirs have access to a durable financial power-of-attorney form. Without it, no one can make financial decisions on your behalf in the event that you are incapacitated.

Proof of Ownership

You should keep documentation of housing and land ownership, cemetery plots, vehicles, stock certificates and savings bonds; any partnership or corporate operating agreements; and a list of brokerage and escrow mortgage accounts.

If you don’t tell your family that you own such assets, there is a chance they never will find out. Mr. Moseley says in such an event, clients must perform their own detective work, watching the mail for real-estate tax bills or combing bank accounts for interest payments, for example.

File any documents that list loans you have made to others, since they could be included as assets in an estate. Similarly, keep a list of any debts you owe to avoid surprising your family. Wills and living trusts generally are drafted to include provisions for how debts should be settled, and creditors have a stipulated period of time in which to file a claim against the estate.

Make the most recent three years of tax returns available, too. “Looking at last year’s returns offers a snapshot of what assets we should be looking for this year,” says Lesley Moss Mamdouhi, a principal at estate-law firm Oram & Moss in Chevy Chase, Md. This also will help your personal representative file a final income-tax and estate return and, if necessary, a revocable-trust return.

Bank Accounts

Mr. Law recommends sharing a list of all accounts and online log-in information with your family so they can notify the bank of your death. “If nobody ever takes any more out or puts money in, it becomes a dormant account and then becomes the property of the state,” he says.

Be sure to list any safe-deposit boxes you own, register your spouse or child’s name with the bank and ask them to sign the registration document so they can have access without securing a court order.

Health-Care Confidential

Possibly the most important health-care document to fill out in advance is a durable health-care power-of-attorney form. This allows your designee to make health-care decisions on your behalf if you are incapacitated. The document should be compliant with federal health-information privacy laws, so that doctors, hospitals and insurance companies can speak with your designee. You may also need to fill out an Authorization to Release Protected Healthcare Information form.

If you are incapacitated and your family can’t locate a health-care power of attorney, they will have to go to court to get a guardian appointed.

Porter Storey, executive vice president of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine in Glenview, Ill., says it isn’t enough to establish a health-care power of attorney unless you have explained to your designee how you would like to be treated in case of incapacity. He also recommends writing a living will detailing your wishes.

After Diane Dimond’s mother had a series of strokes in 2006, Ms. Dimond knew there was a signed living will tucked away in a safe at home. Ms. Dimond, 58 and living in New York, recalls the Sunday she watched her mother in a coma and was able to fulfill her wishes never to be kept on external life support. “It was gut-wrenching,” she says, “but I took the physician aside and said, ‘I want to take her home.'” Having her mother’s living will enabled Ms. Dimond to do just that.

The living will and the power of attorney constitute what are called “advance directives”; some states consolidate these into a single form. (AARP offers a state-by-state listing of advance-directive forms on its website.) Terminally ill patients may wish to have their doctors sign a do-not-resuscitate order.

Certain companies, such as Advance Choice Inc.’s DocuBank, will keep copies of health-care documents for a fee. Subscribers get a wallet-sized card and, in case of an emergency, a hospital will call DocuBank, which will fax over the information.

Life Insurance and Retirement Accounts

Copies of life-insurance policies are among the most important documents for your family to have. Family members need to know the name of the carrier, the policy number and the agent associated with the policy.

Be especially careful with life-insurance policies granted by an employer upon your retirement, since those are the kind that financial planners most often miss, says David Peterson, CEO of Denver-based Peak Capital Investment Services. New York state alone is holding more than $400 million in life-insurance-related payments that have gone unclaimed since 2000, according to the state comptroller’s office.

Estate planners also recommend that you draw up a list of pensions, annuities, individual retirement accounts and 401(k)s for your spouse and children.

An IRA is considered dormant or unclaimed if no withdrawal has been made by age 70½. According to the National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators, tens of millions of dollars languish in unclaimed IRAs every year.

If your heirs don’t know about these accounts, they won’t be able to lay claim to them, and the money could languish. The U.S. Department of Labor estimates that each year tens of thousands of workers fail to claim or roll over $850 million in 401(k) assets. You can track unclaimed pensions, 401(k)s and IRAs at Unclaimed.com.

Marriage and Divorce

Ensure your spouse knows where you have stored your marriage license. Mary Cay Corr, now 74 and living in Raleigh-Durham, N.C., couldn’t locate hers when her husband died. “I had to write to New York, where we got married, and pay for a new marriage license to prove that I had been married to my husband before I could claim anything,” she says.

For divorced people, it is important to leave behind the divorce judgment and decree or, if the case was settled without going to court, the stipulation agreement, says Linda Lea Viken, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in Chicago. These documents lay out child support, alimony and property settlements, and also may list the division of investment and retirement accounts.

Include the distribution sheet listing bank-account numbers that accompanied the settlement to avoid disputes about ownership or payments due. Also include a copy of the most recent child-support payment order. In the majority of states, the obligation to pay child support still exists after death.

Ms. Viken also recommends filing copies of any life-insurance papers. In many states if you have a policy that benefits your children, it can be set off against the ongoing child support.

You also should include a copy of the “qualified domestic-relations order,” which can prove your spouse received a share of your retirement accounts.

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Oprah on Life and Death

Like every other women in the US, I’ve been obsessed with Oprah these past few weeks. I can’t believe it’s really over. I don’t know if any of you caught the last few episodes, but oh boy were they sad. What ever will we do without our favorite afternoon lady? In memoriam of her show I decided to do a little research & post on Oprah’s take on life & death.

From what I gather from Oprah she is a woman who fully lives in the present. Her viewpoint on death seems to be one of living life to the fullest and knowing that god (or all that is, source, love) will reconnect with you fully in death and when the time is right.

In her final show she said “”I have felt the presence of God my whole life. Even when I didn’t have a name for it, I could feel the voice bigger than myself speaking to me, and all of us have that same voice. Be still and know it. You can acknowledge it or not. You can worship it or not. You can praise it, you can ignore it or you can know it. Know it. It’s always there speaking to you and waiting for you to hear it in every move, in every decision. I wait and I listen. I’m still—I wait and listen for the guidance that’s greater than my meager mind. ” And it is to that presence which you return in death. So try to remember in loss of life there is also light. They have returned to the light and presence of god. And for those of us left, at least in that thought, we can find peace.

She goes on to say a thought not quite having to do with death so much as life, but something I think is wonderful for all of us to remember none-the-less “The only time I’ve ever made mistakes is when I didn’t listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life, and your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. … It’s subtle, those whispers. And if you don’t pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It’s like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. … You don’t pay attention to that, it’s like getting a brick upside your head. You don’t pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That’s the pattern I’ve seen in my life, and it’s played out over and over again on this show. Whispers are always messages, and if you don’t hear the message, the message turns into a problem. And if you don’t handle the problem, the problem turns into a crisis. And if you don’t handle the crisis, disaster. Your life is speaking to you. What is it saying?”

Thought for the day…

What’s your life saying? and perhaps more importantly …    Are you listening?

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-Oprah-Winfrey-Show-Finale_1/8

Farewell Sunny

Lewis “Sunny” Bumbrey
Sunrise march 13, 1938 • Sunset may 12, 2011

“Now that you have gone to rest, we loved you, but God loved you best”
 
Got the chance to work on a program for Sunny in Georgia. We incorporated deep blues with flocks of doves for his program. I think it turned out beautifully. We wish Sunny & his family the best.

Sunny's Funeral Program

A Fond Farewell

When first approached by Malia & Phoebe, I wasn’t sure what to expect.. and neither were they.   Malia had just lost her father & Phoebe her brother.  It was a difficult time for them emotionally & on top of that, they were in the middle of trying to pull together a ceremony on the beach on Sunday (4 days from today) & were running out of time.  They needed help creating a program and didn’t know where to start, so they searched the internet & found me!  We met for about 30 minutes & got everything put in place.  We talked about Anderson & went through old photo albums, deciding which photos would best represent his life & what information to include in his program.  The next day I presented them with a proof & Phoebe approved it. . and the next day the programs were delivered. Simple, fast, efficient, beautiful, they were quite pleased and even said “I wish we had ordered more!”. We hope the ceremony went seamlessly & that our programs helped the family give the most memorable last goodbye to “Butch”.

Last Impression Memorial Designs wishes a fond farewell to Anderson Fields (December 1949 – April 2011).

Anderson's Memorial Program

Engage with Grace

Wow, I just stumbled across this website called “Engage with Grace”… And you have to check it out. Click on the “About Engage with Grace” section to hear Za’s story. It is really touching & I think extremely helpful for everyone… Young & old.  I can tell  you, after hearing their story, I downloaded my one slide and intend to talk to my finacee about it tonight.

In short, Engage with Grace is about how most people do not plan on getting sick or having to deal with death, however, if it happens to you and you and you are not prepared, you may not have your ideal experience on the last days of your life.. and that could be really sad.

I think its a great way to open up a conversation about the very natural process of death, while also being a lifesaver, if the unfortunate happens. Check it out, I think you’ll feel the same:)  Here is the link: Engage with Grace.

$20,000 for a Funeral?

Yes, Seriously, it is not uncommon for a funeral to cost $20,000.  I recently came across an article in the Honolulu Advertiser that goes into detail of just how much a funeral could cost you (or your family) and why its best to start planning now.

Eric S.S. Wong didn’t expect his 87-year-old father to die so soon.

And he didn’t expect the funeral to cost nearly $20,000.

Five years ago his parents bought a burial plot. And that’s it. What they didn’t consider was all the additional costs — caskets, vases, flowers, services, facility rental, even transportation — required for a complete funeral. Wong and his sister had to put all those expenses on their credit cards.

“They say they’re ‘taking care of the customer,’ ” said Wong, 40. “But the bottom line is they’re running a business.”

And funerals are big business in Hawai’i, where costs — including the funeral service and cemetery fees for a burial — average between $10,000 and $15,000, according to funeral directors.

But early planning, financial experts say, is the key to reducing stress — and overall cost — in dealing with death.

“You don’t have to pay for what you don’t need,” said Karen Ho, financial educator at the Hawai’i State Federal Credit Union, who gives presentations on funeral planning. “You can save money when you understand what’s required and what’s not.” She recommends researching your options early, the way you would research buying a car.

“Ask for a price list, take a friend to the mortuary, talk about it when you’re not upset,” Ho said. “Then you can make a good financial decision. That can save you hundreds or thousands of dollars.”

The problem is many families aren’t comfortable discussing death. And that, experts say, is something they need to get over.

“I know death isn’t something pleasant, it’s not something we all want to talk about,” said Mitchell Dodo, vice president of Dodo Mortuary in Hilo and president of the Hawai’i Allied Memorial Council. “But you have to come to terms with what’s going to happen.”

If you’d like to know about Funeral Costs in Hawaii, read the rest of this article, “It’s your funeral, so plan the details yourself” posted on theHonoluluAdvertiser.com, written by Catherine E. Toth (Advertiser staff writer)

Eulogy for Sale?

I stumbled upon this craigslist ad that advertisedFuneral Program Writing  – It’s difficult to express your emotions in a time a grief, let us help you write a special rendition of your loved one.”  Funeral program writers? Eulogy writers? These people really exist? Curious, I checked out the guys site and stumbled upon this little piece of art.

A sample Funeral Program Rendition by Ryan of http://ryansrendition.com/

ps. Ryan also does some pretty good Wedding & Graduation Renditions too.

“On Souls Old and Reunited (For John)”

Let it be said
that he drank his life stout and thick,
sipped to the foam until empty glasses and memories were everywhere
Let it be said
that his smile raced the sunrise
to see which would brighten the day first.
Let it be said
that his mouth was a movie theater,
his tongue constantly rewinding and replaying
quotation and impression,
with laughter the only price of admission.

Let these things be said and more.

An old soul gone too young,
he hummed with the music of his father,
whispered the compassion of his mother,
grew beneath the shade of his brother,
and confused friends for family every chance he got.
He took aim at life with his childhood cap gun pistol
and never took his sights off of what mattered most to him:
Us.

Call him constantly compassionate.
Call him devotedly delicate.
Call him heartfelt and humor-heavy.
Call him son.
Call him friend.
Call him brother.

It is always the brightest leafs that fall too soon from the tree.

Let your comfort be this:
Although once forced to speak across a great distance,
two brothers are no longer talking through dreams and memories stretched like string
between the tin cans of earth and sky.
Their words are now shared loud and clear,
are now shared with embraces absent of sorrow.
Know that he was greeted by big brother
with tight hug and these words:
“Welcome home. Too soon, but welcome home.
Now let’s go turn that smile into a star.”

Another Great Eulogy Sample

In additon to the funeral program, the poster, and prayer cards, the Eulogy is also a very important, moving and  intimate part of the memorial service. However, writing & delivering one is nothing short of a difficult task. It is also a privlege, one you surely will not regret & one that will stay in the hearts of love ones forever. But, just incase you’re having a difficult time putting one together, here’s another good Eulogy Sample (found on the http://www.eulogybook.net/eulogy_jackie_o.html).

EULOGY FOR JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS
by Senator Edward M. Kennedy
May 23, 1994

Last summer, when we were on the upper deck on the boat at the Vineyard, waiting for President and Mrs. Clinton to arrive, Jackie turned to me and said: “Teddy, you go down and greet the President.”
“But,” I said, “Maurice is already there.”
And Jackie answered: “Teddy, you do it. Maurice isn’t running for re-election.”
She was always there–for all our family–in her special way.
She was a blessing to us and to the nation-and a lesson to the world on how to do things right, how to be a mother, how to appreciate history, how to be courageous.
No one else looked like her, spoke like her, wrote like her, or was so original in the way she did things. No one we knew ever had a better sense of self.
Eight months before she married Jack, they went together to President Eisenhower’s Inaugural Ball. Jackie said later that that’s where they decided they liked Inaugurations.
No one ever gave more meaning to the title of First Lady. The nation’s capital city looks as it does because of her. She saved Lafayette Square and Pennsylvania Avenue.
Jackie brought the greatest artists to the white House, and brought the Arts to the center of national attention. Today, in large part because of her inspiration and vision, the arts are an abiding part of national policy.
President Kennedy took such delight in her brilliance and her spirit. At a white House dinner, he once leaned over and told the wife of the French Ambassador, “Jackie speaks fluent French. But I only understand one out of every five words she says–and that word is DeGaulle.”
And then, during those four endless days in 1963, she held us together as a family and a country. In large part because of her, we could grieve and then go on, She lifted us up, and in the doubt and darkness, she gave her fellow citizens back their pride as Americans. She was then 34 years old.
Afterward, as the eternal fame she lit flickered in the autumn of Arlington Cemetery, Jackie went on to do what she most wanted–to raise Caroline and John, and warm her family’s life and that of all the Kennedys.
Robert Kennedy sustained her, and she helped make it possible for Bobby to continue. She kept Jack’s memory alive, as he carried Jack’s mission on. Her two children turned out to be extraordinary, honest, unspoiled, and with a character equal to hers. And she did it in the most trying of circumstances. They are her two miracles.
Her love for Caroline and John was deep and unqualified. She reveled in their accomplishments, she hurt with their sorrows, and she felt sheer joy and delight in spending time with them. At the mere mention of one of their names, Jackie’s eyes would shine brighter and her smile would grow bigger.
She once said that if you “bungle raising your children nothing else much matters in life.” She didn’t bungle. Once again, she showed how to do the most important thing of all, and do it right.
When she went to work, Jackie became a respected professional in the world of publishing. And because of her, remarkable books came to life. She searched out new authors and ideas. She was interested in everything.
Her love of history became a devotion to historic preservation. You knew, when Jackie joined the cause to save a building in Manhattan, the bulldozers might as well turn around and go home.
She had a wonderful sense of humor–a way of focusing on someone with total attention–and a little girl delight in who they were and what they were saying. It was a gift of herself that she gave to others. And in spite of all her heartache and loss, she never faltered.
I often think of what she said about Jack in December after he died: “They made him a legend, when he would have preferred to be a man.’ Jackie would have preferred to be just herself, but the world insisted that she be a legend, too.
She never wanted public notice, in part I think, because it brought back painful memories of an unbearable sorrow, endured in the glare of a million lights.
In all the years since then, her genuineness and depth of character continued to shine through the privacy to reach people everywhere. Jackie was too young to be a widow in 1963, and too young to die now.
Her grandchildren were bringing new joy to her life, a joy that illuminated her face whenever you saw them together. Whether it was taking Rose and Tatiana for an ice cream cone, or taking a walk in Central Park with little Jack as she did last Sunday, she relished being Grand Jackie and showering her grandchildren with love.
At the end, she worried more about us tan herself. She let her family and friends know she was thinking of them. How cherished were those wonderful notes in her distinctive hand on her powder blue stationery!
In truth, she did everything she could–and more–for each of us.
She made a rare and noble contribution to the American spirit. But for us, most of all she was a magnificent wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and friend.
She graced our history. And for those of us who knew and loved her–she graced our lives.

Pretty Good Sample Eulogy

A few months back when I was attempting to write the perfect eulogy I spent hours searching the internet for really amazing eulogy samples. I was looking for any written samples that I could maybe pick apart and add or subtract to my own eulogy. I thought I could possibly even use key verses in my funeral program, thank-you cards, and funeral poster.  At this point, with 2 day left until showdown, any basic helpful samples or ideas would do, but as always, you never really find what you are looking for when you are looking for it. Now, months later, I stumble upon them all the time. Here’s one eulogy I found surprisingly uplifting, light-hearted and well written. Maybe it will help you write yours.

Recollections on a Real Corker

My first introduction to Norman Appleyard’s larger than life persona occurred back in 1986. I was visiting my dear friend Jef Cole at his parent’s house on Cape Cod. Many of you may remember Larry and Barbara Cole from this church, and the Weston Golf Club.

During the visit, I casually mentioned that I had just met a girl – and I had an odd sense that maybe…just maybe… this was THE girl. Since she was from Weston – like the Coles – I asked if they happened to know her.

“Pam Rice…Pam Rice…” Larry said…Hey, Babb’s isn’t that Norman and Lillian Appleyard’s granddaughter?

“That must be Linda’s daughter! What a small world. Linda used to babysit for Jef when he was a baby. We’ve known them forever!”

Small world, indeed.

The conversation went on for an hour – with stories of weddings, funerals, golf and card games, and various happy and scurrilous activities going back 40 years. I began to get the sense this Appleyard clan was a pretty amazing family, led by a pretty amazing man.

I asked the Coles to put in a good word for me. Which they must have done, because I was soon invited to meet the Appleyards face to face. To the best of my recollection that first live meeting happened in their kitchen down at Quail Ridge.

I was terrified.

I felt like I was going on the most important job interview of my life.

And, looking back now, I guess I was…

So there I was all spruced up in my best Sunday-go-to-meetin’ blue polyester suit, my hair cut short, shoe’s shined, white shirt, red tie, sitting up strait in one of those little yellow bamboo chairs…

Shaking like a leaf, and sweating like a cold coke bottle on a Boynton Beach summer day.

And let me tell you, Normie was a tough interview.

He wanted to know about my family (who in reality were dirt-poor Maine dairy farmers)…

My education (incomplete and embarrassingly weak at the time)…

My athletic ability (simply pitiful)…

My aspirations in business (to pay my bills at the end of the month)…

My intentions with his granddaughter (well heck, I was 29 years old, she was (and still is) SMOKIN’ hot – so I think we all know what my intentions for his granddaughter were…

Anyway – at the end of an excruciating hour of my fidgeting in the chair – and fibbing most of my answers

Norman announced, “Well Pammy, it looks like you’ve got yourself a real corker here!”

I was not quite sure what a ‘real corker’ was, but from the way he said it, I surmised I had somehow passed the test.

I never dared to ask him, but I would like to believe that twenty odd years later he was still happy with his initial assessment of me – however misguided it might have seemed at the time

Looking back, he must have seen something in me; I did not even see myself. He was like that…

Over the years, I came to know Norman on many more levels – as an astute businessman, occasionally as a grumpy old sod, sometimes, surprisingly, as a sensitive new age guy…as a community leader, and, of course, as a family patriarch.

In distilling all my experiences with him, I see a few defining traits that, to me, made Norman Appleyard who he was:

The first is Intelligence – Norman was gifted with an utterly amazing brain. He had a near photographic memory – for names, for jokes, and for cards – as anyone who has played bridge against him knows only too well.

He loved to tell stories of playing high stakes poker with some of Boston’s shadiest characters all-night down at the meat market…

And – the way he told the story anyway – always coming home with tens of thousands of dollars in winnings.

Which brings me to Competitiveness – boy, oh boy, Norman loved to win – from Tuesday morning golf, to the daily word jumble, to the season ending championship hockey game, he was driven to win. Norman had the unique qualities of a winner – focus, passion, knowledge, commitment – and he did win, often.

He was Athletic – Norman had the right stuff – Fast twitch muscle fiber, amazing hand/eye coordination, body awareness, strong heart/lung mechanics, a natural golf swing – whatever that certain DNA magic is that makes an athlete, he had it in spades.

I was once in Hawaii on a business trip and got roped into playing golf with a group of Japanese executives.

I called Norman in a panic – as you know, I do not play golf –

“What should I do so I don’t embarrass myself?” I asked.

He laughed, “Well there, I’d say you’ve got yourself in quite a pickle, kid. About the only thing I can tell you is, keep your head down when you swing – and try not to hurt anyone…”

There was that famous Bobo sense of Humor.

To be honest, my first dinner with the Appleyards, that night, sitting in those little yellow bamboo chairs in the kitchen at Royal Tern Lane, was a bit of a shocker…

I simply did not know how to react when Norman started telling his unbelievably baaad jokes….

You know what I am talking about; I mean his jokes were baaaaad.

You could not help but laugh – boy, he knew how to tell a joke, clean or not – but phew, I must have turned ten shades of red that night.

And, of course, imagine my surprise when little miss Lillian over here starts matching him with her own, even worse, little ditties…

I mean…hello

I must have turned purple.

Well, I know this is supposed to be a somber occasion – but I hope you, and Norman, will forgive me for having a little fun at his expense – in fact, knowing how large a part humor played in his life, I am sure he already has…because he knew how to take a joke as well as how to tell one.

More seriously, when I think of Norman, the word Compassion comes to mind – Norman knew instinctively how to make people feel at ease, he drew you to him, he almost forced you to like him – just would not let go until he turned you into a friend.

Call it charisma, call it “just being a great guy,” call it whatever you want…he had it.

Norman loved people and knew how to make people love him.

Because first and foremost, Norman was a Leader. He understood he had been blessed with intelligence, talent, the willingness to work hard, and incredible good fortune.

He believed in giving back.

He was a leader in the community – as a founding member of this beautiful church, and even our own Broomstones curling club.

He was the leader of his family. To each one of us he gave his knowledge and guidance

(Ok, a LOT of guidance – especially when it came to running the water pump in Maine…)

And most importantly, he gave his love…

He taught each of us to lead, and he will expect no less of us now that his physical presence is gone.

Because in a very real sense, he really is still right here, right now.

Look around.

I certainly see him in each of you – in your undeniable faces, your voices, your values, and your love for each other.

He is living and breathing right here and now in his children, your children, and mine.

I see his amazing brain in my honor roll college student.

I see his talent and competitiveness in my multi-sport varsity athlete.

I see his irascible sense of humor (and so I hear, his natural golf swing) in my budding young Arnold Palmer with the long hair over there.

I see his compassion, love of others, and ability to instantly make friends in my beautiful and amazing daughter.

Yes, He is here. He will always be here. In us.

And I am sure you all agree, he still is and always will be a real corker.

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Pros & Cons of a Professionally Designed Funeral Program

Pro’s and Con’s of getting a professionally designed Funeral Program

Most people aren’t too concerned with the funeral program, especially when dealing with the oh-so-recent death of a loved one. Its a last minute detail that we’d rather not have to deal with. One that someone ends up doing, usually just because they were the ones that couldn’t say “No”, and got stuck with it.  No big deal they think at first – it’s just a piece of paper with the order of service and a picture on it, I can handle this. But is that all it really is?

Truth is putting a funeral program together is a huge job! Ask anyone who’s had to do it and they will tell you, it takes a lot of dedication & hard work. Basically expect to be completely stressed out and emotionally exhausted for the next week.. Or as long as it takes you to get it done.

The real question is, if you had the choice to outsource it to a professional designer, would you? Would it be worth it to spend the money?

Here are a few Pro’s and Con’s to consider:

PRO’s

– A professionally designed program is a beautiful piece of art, a touching expression of the life and love that was & is your mother, grandmother, brother, aunt or uncle.

– A professionally designed program will make an immediate impression on your guests. They will leaf through it and feel immediately connected to the deceased… You will get compliments & know that you made that connection possible.

– A professionally designed program means that YOU don’t have to do any of the work. No typesetting, no scanning, no midnight trips to Kinko’s spending hours trying to figure out how to get the machine working, No stapling, No worries.

– A professionally designed program means, one less thing to think about.

– A professionally designed program will fuse family & friends to your loved one lost through pictures & stories.  It will allow for topics of conversation to get started & create a feeling of ease & comfort among family & guests at the service.

– A professionally designed program means giving your loved one the last goodbye  in the most memorable & honorable way possible.

CON’s

– Doing it yourself means you can save a little bit of cash. Not much, but it is a savings.

– Doing it yourself means you get to figure out exactly what you want it to look like yourself. Perhaps you are a creative person who can make a design of your own?

– Designing a funeral program for your loved one may give you a personal feeling of accomplishment. So what if it is super-professional looking, I did it myself & that’s what’s important.

– or Designing a funeral program yourself might be something you always wanted to do & feel you might actually be good at.

Perhaps one of these reasons resonates true with you and you do feel that creating the program yourself is the right choice for you. If this is true, by all means go for it! A funeral program is a treasurable keepsake, and the truth is, only you know if it is the right decision to get one done professionally or if you should do it yourself.

If however, you decide you are not the most creative person or perhaps you just don’t want to think about putting together a program, at least not right now. Plus, it’s not worth the emotional stress & headache or the few extra bucks in your pocket. And really, whats a few extra bucks for the one person who meant the absolute world to you anyway? Well – by all means, invest in a professionally designed program. It will be such a relief to know this is not your job anymore and to be re-assured that your loved one will make the most memorable last impression. I can assure you that once you see your family & friends faces when they pick it up look through it, you will know you made the right choice.

Click here for more info on where to get a professionally designed funeral program.